You "Go Girl"

I am purposefully placing the link in question at the bottom of this post. Mostly, I just want to at least pretend that the anticipation is building while you read your way down. Nevermind that at any time, you can scroll down and click, but I'm really hoping you don't, 'cause this is good.
Good enough to wait for.
Wait for it.
Maybe you already know where this is headed.
But how could you? I mean, this is out there.
If this is something that every gal in America has in her purse, heck--in her pocket, then I'll eat my shorts.
I'm thinking this a new thing. One of those things that HAD to have been dreamed up by, I don't know ...a Yankee? (No offense to anyone living north of Dallas.)
A person with armpit hair braids?
Eats granola for fun?
Lives in a mud hut?
I'm just spit-balling here, but I'm guessing you don't own such a "device."
Anyway, I stumble upon this product, and well, not only am I just speechless over the product itself. I'm just in awe of the fact that someone was paid cash, I presume, to come up with the sales pitch that you read on the website.
(I know you want to cheat and skip ahead to the clicking part. Do not!!)
Wait for it.
Dear Sweet Gussie.
Please explain to me why nobody ever told me that there was a job....where I could explain..........dramatic pause....what a FUD is???
Where I could compose a FAQ, yes, Frequently Asked Questions--explaining things like how to, "Just lower your pants, and well,.....aim and pee.", or my personal favorite quote from the site, "You won't be like a man. You'll just pee like one."
I can honestly tell you right now that I'm hyperventilating as the realization sinks in that this opportunity flew past me like an 18-wheeler on the interstate. No, wait. It was more like a UFO that I HEARD about but never actually laid eyes on. An illusion of an enigma wrapped in a conundrum? A fart...in the wind. A thing that I never dared dream existed, so therefore how could I know what I was missing. And yet, now I know.
As I read the website, all I can think is that a grand opportunity has been wasted. No, I don't mean I missed the chance to buy one of these little beauties. No, I mean that the PR person for this company should be fired!! With a little more pa'shiz, with a little more grit, a little less pink and a few strokes of genius...this site could grab you by the throat until you scream and purchase your very own Feminine Urination Device. Oh yes, friends. You read that correctly.
Now go.
Go and read.
And weep (whether in hysterics or tragedy of a wasted comedic opportunity is up to you.)
I will personally send you $1 if you will come up with a catchy sub-title for this product and post it in my comment box. (Disclaimer: I really will not send you $1, but you will be famous because maybe I'll post them all in a blog entry. )