Topic Tuesday

TALKING TO STRANGERS:
It is the Mommy Mantra.
"We don't talk to strangers."
Yeah, only why is it that I talk to EVERY stranger that I see? Truly, I do. Pity on you if you happen to be the poor, unsuspecting shopper caught either behind or in front of me in line at Kroger, Walmart, Target, the book store. 'Cause guess what? We're going to have a conversation. Oh, you think you can ignore me? HAHAHAAAAAA! Ah, that's cute. Uh, no. You can't. We will talk. You can bet on it. I'm not sure which side of the gene pool this characteristic comes from. What trait is in me that stirs this desire to gab with utter unknowns? All I can tell you is that as a 6 year old, I used to rummage through the medicine cabinets of homes I would visit. As a pre-teen (ok, ok and COLLEGE) student, I would crawl under the beds of my brothers while they were away from home. Lying as still as death, I would wait in my little hidey-hole until they arrived home, shut their door, dialed up their sweet-nothing on the other line, and then....I'd listen. I mastered the art of unfolding the 'love note' and refolding it so as to not look disturbed. Before disturbing a potential crime scene, I would look at the exact location of each and every article and item, so that I could be sure to have it all put back to rights at the appropriate moment. In a flash. Then there were the times that I would wait until my parents had left to run errands, buy groceries, go to church (I did attend, I promise), etc. at which time I would unwrap any Christmas presents that happened to be wrapped and under the tree at the time. If there weren't any out, and I knew that the folks had been shopping, I would go in to Operation Search and Discover mode. The gifts would be found.
What is the point?
Maybe I'm nosey?
Maybe this is where the need to strike up absolute random conversations with strangers stems from? I dunno. What I do know is that there is a method.
A motos apparendi, if you will. Picture a black widow spider as she sits on her haunches (do spiders have haunces?) and waits for the poor, unsuspecting fly to plop into her sticky web. Oh yes, her sticky web. In case you're wanting to start trapping victimes making new friends as soon as possible, I'll lay out a few helpful pointers:

1. When applicable, always choose the "Express Lane." It, almost always and without fail, will be ground to a complete standstill and will allow the chance to strike up a conversation with Lonely Person to your front or back. I prefer the Back Guest as this person very well can't turn away from you by pretending to talk to the checker or read the back of the toaster waffle box. No, this person is facing you. How rude if they were to turn and give you their back. CHECK MATE!
2. When in doubt, find someone with gout. That is, find someone of the elderly persuasion. These people are just dying, sometimes literally, to talk to someone.
3. Run into as many people as you can with your buggy. First of all, it scares them. And when people are scared, they tend to freeze up. Another captive audience just waiting to converse!
4. Pretend to be completely ignorant. Ask lots of questions. What works for me? "Have you ever tried this before? Which brand would you recommend? Excuse me m'am, my child just tossed a box of tampons into your buggy while you weren't looking." Sorry, but the last excuse only works if you actually have your children with you at the time.
5. Last, but certainly not least, do not forget the restroom. Yes, the public restroom is a veritable treasure trove of stranger encounters (note: the public restroom reference is to STRANGER encounters not STRANGE encounters, that is another Topic Tuesday topic.)
In closing, it may be do as I say, but not as I do, but I dare you to speak to strangers without delay. You'll be a much happier person. Honest.