50 Things About Me, or Where I Start Every Sentence With the Word I.

I dare you to not pity me after reading this list.
1. I have serious paranoia issues. PDaddy will not let me watch ER, Grey's Anatomy, or Discovery Health.
2. I love Ellen Degeneres, but not in the way you think.
3. I do not squat at public toilets. I sit RIGHT DOWN on the thing. Don't worry. I wash afterwards.
4. I once wore a strapless bra around my waist during a wedding accidentally.
5. I have a secret fascination with arguing. There I said it.
6. I have a secret fascination with griping. There I said it.
7. I used to prank call my co-workers. At work.
8. I was once in love with a man who was really old. I was, what, 16? I was convinced he would wait for me. He's now in a nursing home. I'm mostly kidding.
9. I talk incessantly.
10. I talk so much that sometimes I have no idea of the last words that came out of my mouth.
11. I sometimes stop teaching and spend my entire class period making my students laugh with stories from my youth.
12. I am pretty sure they are laughing WITH me.
13. I love to tell them the story of my uncle who had a tapeworm crawl out of his mouth. Ask any former student of mine. They can recite the story to you.
14. I believe that is a life lesson.
15. I am turning into my mother.
16. I buy coloring books for myself. And crayons.
17. I must admit that I have watched more than 2 episodes of Living Lohan.
18. I am afraid of the dark.
19. I was obsessed with Mary Lou Retton in 1984.
20. I am not allergic to anything. Except dust(ing.) That's dusting. I'm not allergic to dust.
21. I've wanted to be a Bond, James Bond girl since I was little....an Oriental one.
22. I hope I never have to drive a minivan. Nevermind that I drive a very-almost-station wagon.
23. I love beef jerky.
24. I would love to run naked through a field by myself with no audience during the summer when it wasn't raining with a bundle of clothes waiting for me to slip into when my little clandestine romp was over. I do not think this is, technically, streaking.
25. I love Ray Stephens (speaking of Streaking.)
26. I have 3 recurring nightmares. One involving a lizard man who is hiding behind my shower curtain waiting to kill me only I run away and can never seem to make it to the end of my hall.
27. I am not afraid of lizards.
28. I love fairies. Real ones.
29. I only threw up one time during my pregnancies. It was a banana.
30. I haven't eaten a banana since. That was 1998.
31. I have always wanted to play the French Horn.
32. I think I talk too loud. Sometimes I see people wince and cover their ears when I'm talking.
33. I can't hear out of my right ear.
34. I would love to live somewhere that it rained every day. Monsoons rock.
35. I LOVE violent thunderstorms.
36. I loved my grandmother more than words can express. I miss her. I wish I could hold her hand again.
37. I cry just by mentioning my grandmother.
38. I cry during sitcoms, commercials, sporting events, or when I witness funeral processions of absolute strangers.
39. I was a horrible student. As in I talked constantly, didn't follow directions, and changed instructions for assignments to suit my purpose and motivational desires of the moment.
40. I once caught a folder on fire in science class and watched on with glee while a friend sprayed it with perfume. Yes. We both went on to be teachers. Scary, I know.
41. I love the bad kids in my class. I find them to be terribly bright and refreshing.
42. I do not like the way 7th graders smell.
44. I think teeth are very important. All of them. White ones.
45. I still don't floss as often as I should.
46. I once knew a girl who could squirt milk out her tear duct.
47. I sometimes have conversations in my head with people that aren't there.
48. I overreact to just about every stimuli in my life. I like that about me.
49. I have been peed on by a black panther. Twice.
50. I like Queen. I can't help it.
**Man #5. Tomorrow. Stay tuned!!