Here is where I breathe a sigh of relief at the fact that a whole 3 people read my blog (please Dear Lord, let there be only 3...) Apologies to the three of you. I think you'll find it interesting, if nothing else.
Picture, if you will, a naked woman (while you're at it, visualize a nice body..k?) It's 6:00 AM. Her eyes are still fused shut, and she is running her bath water in hopes that the steam will unfuse them.
As she prepares to take the her seat on 'the throne,' her red headed child (who is also naked..it's how we roll in the morning) screams, "MOM! NO!" She tells him, "Hey. Listen, kid. You've been in here long enough. You've had your chance to pee. You'll just have to stand still and get back in line."
Red head, even more frantic than before, screams, "WAIT! MOM! DON'T SIT DOWN!" He lunges. Clasps his pudgy little fingers around something rather wriggly. His mother, becoming slightly uneasy, backs up. Red head giggles while something green FLIES about 3 feet across the room and sticks to the wall.
His mother screams for a weapon. Something. Anything to squash this CREATURE that is flinging himself from one side of the bathroom to another. Red head is giggling with sweet abandon. The father of the home rushes to the aid of his young bride, sees her standing in her birthday armor, dodges the latest spirited leap of Mr. Frog, and begins hooting.
Did he help her?
No.
He's laughing like a wild hyena on crack.
Mr. Frog knows who his intended victim is because she's screaming like a KMART shopper on the day after Christmas. What does Mr. Frog do? Lunges. Lunges at his poor victim. He aims. Misses. Repeatedly, he launches himself like a ballistic missile, while red head happily tries to capture him. In the meantime, his mother flails, flaps, screams, darts, dodges, slaps, hops, jumps (nice visuals, huh?), crows, stands on the toilet, and threatens said creature with every torture known to man. Red head finds this all thoroughly entertaining. Mr. Frog continues to bounce from wall-to-floor-to-wall, and in what seemed like an eternity but only turned out to be about 65 seconds, the entire family bonded.
You'd not be surprised to guess that everyone left the situation with a different feeling. Father and son high-fived and snorted in a fit of laughter as they retreated down the hall with Mr. Frog in tow. Mr. Frog, by this time, was feeling rather like a failure since he didn't get to mortally wound his screaming victim. Sweet daughter shows up to stroke her mother's hand and coo at her (with a very noticeable smile in her eye), "Don't worry, Mom. Daddy took him away."
